“How do you cope?”
I get asked this many, many times.. Daily.
The way I used to cope was if something wasn’t going my way, I would stop talking. Ignore everyone and shut everyone out.
Or I would refuse to drink, I have no control and my water intake was my only way of controlling anything.. So I wouldn’t drink.
I would take my anger out on my family.
I would lash out.
I didn’t do this everyday. But this is what I did for about the first 6 months post TM.
I know now this obviously wasn’t a healthy way to cope.
I didn’t show anyone expect my family that I was having trouble coping.
I’m really different now then I was then.
I’ve grown up.. A lot. Maybe too much.
Now I don’t really have times where I feel like “it’s too much” I know I wouldn’t face anything in life, I couldn’t handle.
The way I cope now, is I talk about how I feel when I feel upset, I write, I call my friends, I FaceTime Kathy, I go on car rides with my mom, I vent to my brothers, I get off of social media.
I don’t tweet, I don’t Instagram, I don’t complain on Facebook statuses. Cause in the long run the way I was feeling was only for 10 minutes then it goes away.
I rarely cry, which I sometimes think is a bad thing.
But when I cry, I let myself.
I know I’m strong and crying does not make me weak.
I wasn’t good at coping with everything before.
I used to just think of everything I lost. I now look at everything I’ve gained.
Sure, I lost my legs. But I didn’t loose my spirit. And I refuse to let anything take away my spirit.
Being a teenager is hard as it is, but when you scramble health problems in there, it’s obviously hard too.
I just don’t over think anymore, over thinking creates problems in my head that don’t even exist. The truth is, we all worry about things that most likely will never ever happen.
I try my best to just be calm.
Yesterday I felt anxious randomly, I didn’t know why. But I just turned my iPad off, I sat back and breathed.. And I felt better.
The more I think of the extent of my surgery the more I get freaked out. So I try to just think of how my spine with be alined. My hips will be even. I will be comfortable.. And that helps me.
I guess what I’m trying to say is, the best way I’ve found to cope is to just stay calm and let life bring you wherever it needs to.
I’m just going to trust my journey.
It’s hard to sometimes, but the more I trust it, the easier everything becomes.
I have to not let little things bother me.
If I just stay calm everything is easier to cope with.
I’m not saying, my situation is easy, because it’s not.
I have nerve damage in my neck, I can’t tolerate the heat. I have very bad sensory problems, my hips hurt, my back hurts, my legs burn and tingle 24/7, I get shaky, I get dizzy, I get sore, I get fatigued, I get UTIS, edema of my legs, I get blood clot scares a lot, I’ve spent weeks in the hospital, I feel weak sometimes..
But guess what? I’m alive and I’m doing the best I’ve done in a long time. And there’s millions of people who have it way worse then I do..
so as long as I live I refuse to let ANYTHING stand in my way of thriving. I refuse.
Sure coping gets difficult, but I’m not going to let the way I feel just 5% of the time dictate how I feel the other 95%..
I’m just going to stay calm..
So life? What else you got?? I know you’re trying hard to kick me down, but it’s not working!!